Open Letter Re: Good Movies

This is an open letter to a professor of mine that shall remain nameless.  Well, then again, since I am almost positive you will never read this, and since you can't technically punish me grade-wise for (respectfully (?)) disagreeing with you, then I'll go with first name only.

Dear Harry,

The Dark Knight was the most perfect movie ever.  That thing you said in class about it being bad, that was wrong.  You were totally wrong.  I won't even really go into the reasons why it was so good, because everyone in the world agrees with me except for you and probably a handful of your shitty artsy friends.  That's right, I'm assuming you have shitty friends.  You see, I have this totally infallible system of superficial judgment, and judging by that system, you have friends that have let you make some bad decisions.  Among but not limited to these bad decisions are the following:

1. they let you wear baseball caps of football teams

2. they let you wear those caps slightly upward, askew and the forward way. If you are doing it sincerely, you're a class A dickerd, and if you're doing it ironically to make fun of some totally "pedestrian" Ashton Kutcher-esque style, then you are a class A dickerd in an advanced placement program.

3. they let you hate the Dark Knight, and when you said you didn't like it, they didn't press you about it, they probably applauded you for thinking that, because it was so effing unique of you.

Okay, but enough of this digression about your presumably shitty social circle and back to how wrong you were about the Dark Knight.  I guess I should write my grievances with your grievances in the order that you expressed them, chronologically.  

So....You said that you didn't like the Joker.  And you didn't even specify whether or not you meant the character or the portrayal.  Now if you didn't like the portrayal, there is something seriously wrong.  What are you, made of stone?  Is your heart dead and cold?  Did you kill Heath Ledger?  And if you didn't like the character or this particular incarnation of it, then you're equally as mixed up.  You claimed his lack of origin story made him boring, not compelling.  Did we see the same movie?  There is anything but a lack of origin story.  In fact, there is a plethora of origin stories.  He cut is face doing blank, his father cut his face cause of blank, he cut his face cause of you don't know because Batman starts kicking his ass before he can finish the story.  It's called mystery.  You know? Mystery, like on Masterpiece Theatre or in Agatha Chrystie books or on Murder, She Wrote, etc etc.  

But then again, maybe I'm wasting my breath, because halfway through writing most of this rant in my notebook (faithfully transcribed, very little clean-up) during class, you admit that you haven't even seen the whole movie.  You walked out!  Who walks out of the Dark Knight?  At what point did you feel it was a good time?  I know a person (not me, okay maybe me) who got a urinary tract infection from holding her pee because she was so riveted.  It's called non-stop action for a reason.  Additionally, how many people saw the dark knight and disagreed with you?  Oh, that's right: everybody...except your shitty friends.

Who knows, maybe next week I'll walk out of your class.  And when you ask me why I'm leaving with all of my notebooks and bags, I'll just say, "Oh, don't worry, it's just that I hate your lack of origin story."  Then I'll high five everybody, fart on my way out, lock the door from the outside, and go watch it on blu-ray.

Sincerely (suck it),

Mrs. God

p.s. please don't fail me.  I do the reading every week.